I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,
but for what you are making of me.
I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart
and passing over all the foolish, weak things
that you can’t help dimly seeing there,
and for drawing out into the light
all the beautiful belongings
that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.

I love you because you are helping me to make
of the lumber of my life
not a tavern but a temple;
Out of the works of my every day
not a reproach but a song.

I love you because you have done
more than any creed could have done
to make me good
and more than any fate
could have done to make me happy.
You have done it
without a touch,
without a word,
without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.
Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.

- – -  Roy Croft

I’m dedicating this poem of love and gratitude to my beloved Funnel, who had done more for me than he’ll ever know.

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s Day.

xo,
jen.

Tomorrow, Funnel & I will be celebrating four years of marriage. I’ve sat at my computer desk a few times this week, trying to write something about what these four years of marriage and six years together have meant to me and what a wonderful friend Funnel has been.  But I’ve been having a hard time collecting my thoughts into anything that does justice to how I really feel.  There is a line in a song by Mineral that goes, “I wish you could put your ear up to my heart and hear how much I love you“.  How I wish.

With the disclaimer that these words fall so short, I will say that I’m incredibly overwhelmed, happy, thankful, blessed.  I wouldn’t trade this little life of ours for anyone’s and it feels so right to be spending it with Funnel.  He is so patient, so loving, so forgiving, so darn handsome, and he has such a tender, gentle heart with me.  He kisses my tear-stained cheeks when I’m having one of those days, shares his french fries with me, tells me I look perfect when I’m feeling gross, loves me when I’m being unlovable, holds me when I’m feeling fragile, makes me laugh when life feels hard.  I don’t know what the years ahead hold for us, but I’m so glad we’re in it together.   I love my Funnel so much.

“a few years ago, my father shared with me some wisdom about relationships. he said (in essence): ‘your relationship is not about that big fight you had yesterday, or your wedding day. it’s about all the other days. it’s about the day-to-day rituals, the patterns of behavior and the consistent, general attitude you have towards one another. love is not about those really good days or those really cranky days. it’s about everything in between: the way you talk about your day, the favors you do for each other without even thinking about it, and the last words you speak to each other before falling asleep at night.’ “

I like that.  I think every couple has the wonderfully happy “movie moments”  and the times of crisis, but I think that person is right – it’s about how you treat each other day to day.  In fact, the vows we exchanged on our wedding day even said, “I promise to love you in the midst of the everydayness and the specialness of life”.  

I love our “everydayness”.

Today, Funnel and I have been married for three years.  At this time, on this day, in 2006, vows had been said, rings had been given, photos had been taken, and our reception had just begun.   What a happy day.  I remember feeling wonderfully free and giddy and so deeply happy.  I loved that I was his wife, that I was his Mrs, that we now shared a last name and a home.   

For months after, I loved seeing our names printed together on envelopes that came in the mail.   I loved saying the word “husband” when I talked about him.   I would sometimes catch a glimpse of his ring, from the corner of my eye, and it would almost surprise me to see it there.  I fell in love with his morning hair, and ever-growing tee shirt collection and preference for 2% milk.

And after three years, not much has changed.

I hesitate to make comments anymore on marriage, because I have a pretty limited scope: I’ve only been married to one guy for three years, and that hardly makes me any kind of expert.   I really can’t even relate to other married couples because we all are so different anyway.  

But  based on my own experience: Marriage is wonderful.  It is challenging and sometimes hard, but the rewards are immeasurable. 

The other day, I was looking for something in one of our spare closets and happened upon our two shoeboxes full of memories.  When we were dating, we each started one seperately, and filled them with cards and letters and polariods and mix CDs.   They are so full now that we probably need to transfer them to something else.  But I had such a great time that evening reminiscing over our love story (which is my favorite love story… I’d take it over Noah and Ally’s any day.) 

My best tip for couples is not to forget your love story.  Revisiting those days, whether it is reading my old journals, or going through our shoeboxes, or even just talking with Funnel about when we met, never fails to make me feel renewed and happy and blessed.  I can’t imagine anything that we couldn’t get through together. 

So tonight I am feeling incredibly blessed and thankful that, somehow in this crazy world, I have found my counterpart, my best friend, my true love.

Right now my Valentine is sleeping in the other room.

I was just remembering our first Valentine’s Day together, in 2005, when we had been dating a little shy of 4 months.  We went to P.F. Chang’s for dinner, and Funnel bought me a bouquet of pink tulips and gave me a hand-written list of 100 reasons why he loved me.  That is one of the best gifts I’ve ever recieved.

I adore Valentine’s Day, but even I’ll admit that it’s a pretty cheesy holiday.  I do think that sometimes cheesy holidays are needed from time to time to remind us to do something special for the people we love, and to remind us of look back on our love story and remember what things brought us together in the first place. 

Funnel and I have been together a pretty long time now (it will be 5 years this October), and I love that we are in such a comfortable spot with each other.  I love that we know each other so well now…  it feels like we are the oldest of friends. 

I know a lot of women would tell you that their husband or boyfriend is the best in the world, but I know that mine holds that title, and no one can ever convince me otherwise.  I love my forever Valentine so much.

# # #

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you, for the part of me that you bring out. I love you, for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart, and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out, into the light, all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find. I love you, because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern, but a temple. Out of the works of my every day, not a reproach, but a song. I love you, because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate could have done to make me happy. You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself. Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.

— Roy Croft

I love how they came out.  The color, the uneven vignetting, the dreamy skies.  I am going to be using the Holga at all of the outdoor weddings I shoot this summer.

And I know of one wedding photographer who markets herself as solely a Holga wedding photographer.  Her couples hire a traditional photographer, but also have her there to capture the day “in squares.”  How fun would that be?

We had a happy Christmas on Thursday.  We had three Christmases in one day: Immels, Fredericks, and “ours”.  In that order.  Gifts were exchanged, way too many cookies were eaten, and we had much-needed time with the people we love.  What more could I ask for?  Especially in a time when I know many people are missing their loved ones who they have lost.

Funnel and I got to exchange our gifts for each other late on Christmas night.  He is so good to me, and so in-tune to who I am.  He pays attention to the things I talk about during the year and suprises me with them at Christmas.

Here is an example: At Akai Hana, our favorite sushi restaurant, they have these tiny blue bowls with little sea creatures painted on them to put your soy sauce in. I always talk about how cute they are and I wish I knew where I could buy some. This Christmas, he tried to find them for me and couldn’t, so he just went into the restaurant and they were willing to sell him a set of their bowls. I was so surpised when I opened them. Not only are they adorable, but now I gave a momento from the many nights we went there for dinner.  He is so thoughtful.

You know, I’ve been reflecting on marriage these last couple of weeks. Before I got married, someone told me, “Marriage is a mirror” and this has made more sense to me as time goes on. Marriage brings you face to face with all the good and bad things inside you because you realize every decision, every word and every attitude can either lift up or wound the person you love.

Sinfulness, selfishness and weaknesses that I slid by with when I was younger, don’t just set me back, but they now directly affect my partner. The worst feeling in the world is when I hurt the one I love.

I am incredibly humbled at the grace and forgiveness shown to me by Funnel, and he is certainly a beautiful reflection of the One who authored grace and forgiveness. How incredible are the words “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you”. Those words heal. 

“Where you go, I will go.
Where you live, I will live.
Where you die, I will die.”

If the weather holds out, I think tonight Funnel and I are headed to ZooLights – my absolute favorite Christmas activity in Columbus.  Ice skating, hot chocolate, manatees.  It’s the best! 

You take all the special momentos from your wedding… invitations, program, jewelry, loveletters… and put them in a shadow box, lined with pretty fabric or paper. It’d be pretty to display this next to a wedding photo.

I think I’m going to do it.. all of my stuff has just been sitting in a shoebox in our closet. Here are a few of the things I’ll include in mine:

Our invitation.

Vintagey earrings that went with the necklace my parents gave me.

Funnel’s bout that my mom made him.


My hankie that I had during the ceremony – I bought it at the Otterbein-owned thift store, freshman year.

I’ll post photos sometime this winter, if I find time to complete it!

I’ll post more soon.

Thanks to:

- Jason for shooting the wedding with me.  I’d like to post some of his photos at some point, if he doesn’t mind.  He’s a much better photographer than me.
- My father-in-law, Dan, for letting me use his Canon Rebel xsi, lenses and flash as a back-up.  I loved usingthe wide-angle lens!

Here are some photos of the night: