When I first started my job seven weeks ago, I thought it was pretty good. It was easy, non-stressful, and it didn’t require a lot of intellect. Now, I’m starting to get to the point of frustration and boredom when I am here. I think that the part of my brain that does things like alphabetizing and typing is going to swell up like a balloon and the part of my brain that is creative and gives me my imagination is going to rot off. I think one of the most disheartening things for young people is to be stuck in a job that they are over-qualified for and that has nothing to do with the field they devoted four years of college to. I wish I could be writing stories or creating art of some form or even teaching (not necessarily school-teaching, but teaching in some capacity) but instead, I am entering names into databases, taking print orders, filing, and sending out mailings. I am at a desk, underneath florescent lights and surrounded by papers and filing folders.

Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for this job. I remember over the summer being very distressed that our wedding was quickly approaching and we still weren’t employed. This job came along and it wasn’t really an option. It was it. This job is allowing me to be down here in Columbus with my friends and my buddy. It is allowing me to have an apartment and pay bills and go to the cinema. There are people all over the world that don’t have a job or their job is horrible and doesn’t even pay for their family’s basic needs. I am just anxious for something challenging and interesting.

Ever since we talked about the idea of “living by grace” (not deserving things) in one of my classes last year, it has been in my head and occasionally comes out when I am being selfish and irrational. I want it to be my guideline for my day-to-day life, and I have done a very poor job of it lately. I can get so emotional and discouraged over things, and if I just kept that idea close to my heart, it would help a lot.

The other thing I am trying to keep in mind is, “I am enough.” Our graduation speaker spoke on a book she had read – I don’t remember what it was called, but I think it was about life truths or something. And one of them was, “I am enough.” It is something you need to tell yourself. I think I need to start doing that daily. We are fed so many lies and we beat ourselves up when we believe them…. I am not pretty or thin or smart enough…. I am a messed up person. “I am enough.”

There is so much good in my life right now. I love our apartment. It is becoming “home.” My parents brought down a couch for us yesterday and so we pretty much have everything we need, furniture-wise. The only thing that is missing is the internet and a way to hook up video games to our old-school TV. I don’t like living there alone, though. It is the worst at night when I am laying in bed and in the morning when I wake up, and know that Funnel isn’t there. That is one of the things I am looking forward to most about getting married.

The wedding is so soon. The wait seemed so slow, up until a couple weeks ago, and now, when my boss asks me, “How many more days?” I tell him a number that seems unreal. It goes without saying that I am beyond excited. It hits me in little ways… my heart gets warm and I smile. My best friend and my favorite person in the world choose me. I will never understand how this happened.

Here are a couple of pictures of me and Funnel’s family (which I will be joining in a couple of weeks!!)…..

My soon-to-be brothers and sisters, last Christmas

A couple of weeks ago, when it was still summer (the girl next to me is Amy, Peab’s girlfriend. She is great)

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 12th, 2006 at 12:01 pm and is filed under rock + paper + hand grenade, the two shall become one. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.